We can all identify a child who seems to need an inordinate amount of attention. His teachers are challenged by his needy behavior; his classmates, his friends and his siblings are tolerant, but only up to a point; and his parents are often at wits’ end. He is always acting out the adage “negative attention is better than no attention at all.”
The answer to this is that children need a lot of attention. Parenting is not a part-time job — they need attention at the right time and of the right quality. If they receive this attention, they will be satisfied, they will be fulfilled. If they don’t get it, they will go looking for it, often in the wrong way. They will look for it from teachers and from their friends. They will look for it from you. They will demand it from you, and you will end up having to put a lot more time and attention into your children, often in ways you don’t want, than if you had given them the attention they needed when they needed it.
The most important skill as a parent is to be able to recognise when children do need attention and when they don’t.
We all need attention — or put another way — we all need love.
It is important to remember when things become frustrating, and they will, that helping children learn appropriate and socially acceptable ways to do deal with their world is the responsibility of parents. It is no less an important a part of parenting than helping a child learn to walk and be safe in his environment and it is just as rewarding.
