HARI RAYA JOKES – 21(2)

Posted on May 14, 2021 · Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

A Malaysian guy is seated in the restaurant at a busy airport.
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him.
He presumes, because she’s got a uniform on, she’s probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So, he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto: “We love to fly and it shows”.
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: “Winning the hearts of the world”.
Again, she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysia Airlines motto: “Going beyond expectations”.
The woman looks at him sternly and says: “What the hell do you want?”
“Ah!” he says, sitting back with a smile on his face… Ryanair!

 

A student learning to drive arrives at a very busy road intersection in Kuala Lumpur.

He wasn’t sure of the direction so he asked “turn left?”.

The instructor said, “Right.”.

They both died.

 

Q: What is the Malaysian’s favourite dish?

A: Astro

 

Q: What is Malaysia’s favourite city?

A: Siti Nurhaliza

 

Have you ever watched a documentary on Netflix about a Chinese couple, who didn’t board the Malaysia Airlines flight 370 (the one that disappeared) when they should have done?

All sorts of conspiracy theories. worth a watch, highly recommended.

It’s called 2 wongs don’t make a flight.

 

What do you get when you cut a pirate in half?

A: Jack Separuh.

 

A very frustrated Malaysian wife looks at her indecisive Spanish husband and says, “Jose, if you don’t decide on a name right now, for our still unnamed 2-year-old son, then I’m giving him up for adoption!”
With a smirk on his face, Jose yells back, “Fine honey, you decide then, Juan or Don Juan …”

( The correct pronunciation for Juan is “Huan” ).

 

Britain had just colonised Malaya, three local criminals were caught and brought before the British Commander…

“They committed such deadly crimes; they should be beheaded!” the Lieutenant suggested to the Commander.
Hearing that, the three criminals pleaded for their lives to the Commander.
The Commander agreed to let them live under one condition, which was to collect 10 fruits of same type.
Thinking the goal of the task was to feed the Commander with tasty fruits, each criminal had one fruit of choice in their minds. The criminals parted with the Commander and went into the nearby forest to pick the fruits with an armed soldier accompanying each of them.
The first criminal came back quickly with 10 rambutan.
“Commander, I assure you that these rambutans will be the sweetest rambutans you ever had in your life.” said the first criminal.
“Okay good, now shove them up into your arse without laughing, or else you will be beheaded!” said the Commander.
The criminal was stunned, he realized the real task was to see who can shove all the fruits up into the arse without laughing.
The first criminal was helpless, but thinking he might be able to pull it off, he started shoving in. 1 rambutan, 2 rambutans, 3 rambutans…
After the fourth rambutan inside the first criminal’s arse, the second criminal came back with 10 cherries. The second criminal got the gist of the task now and feeling lucky for his choice of fruit.
The second criminal started shoving the cherries into his arse as instructed. 1 cherry, 2 cherries, 3 cherries…
The second criminal quickly approached the last cherry while the first criminal couldn’t hold back the tickling feeling from the rambutan skin anymore once the sixth rambutan was inside his arse and burst into laughter. The first criminal was beheaded and then went to hell.
The second criminal holding the last cherry on his hand while controlling his laughter. All of a sudden, the third criminal came back, the second criminal burst into laughter and was beheaded.
The second criminal then met the first criminal in hell. The first criminal asked the second criminal curiously why didn’t he just hold his laughter for the last cherry.
The second criminal replied, “It is because the third criminal came back with 10 durians!”

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