ROYAL JOKES

Posted on June 7, 2021 · Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

An Arab Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, “I have many good animals. Here is a Swedish bull, is born black colour, but the colour turns white when it grows.”

“Over there is an American bull. Colour when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”
“And here, a Turkish bull. It is born dark brown, but grow up to be light brown colour.”
The Prince says, “I rather like the Turkish bull. Fine specimen indeed.”
“Excellent choice, your majesty. But the Turkish bull is special. They are bred for royalty, like you. But if you have royal blood, you must have bonding with the bull calf when young, before they change colour. Or they will reject you,” the Russian explains.
“Well,” the Prince says, “I’m looking for a strong, adult bull. I’m not particularly interested in buying a calf. I rather like this big, beige bull over here.”
The Prince attempts to pet the large Turkish bull. It sniffs his hand, shakes its head in disgust, turns around and kicks the Prince with its hind legs.
The Prince goes flying across the room and lands in a pile of hay.
“Where did you get such a horrible beast?!!! Why did it kick me!?” he sputters.
“I told you. From Turkey.” The Russian explains. “It’s a tan bull, can’t stand a noble.”

 

How scared were the French royalty during the French Revolution?

Very, they completely lost their heads..

 

A Harvard English 101 class was asked to write a CONCISE essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The only essay with an “A+” in the class read:
“My God,” said the Queen, “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it?”

 

An engineer is having his lunch. It is a beautiful day so he takes his brown lunch bag outside to the fountain beside the office.
He sits on the edge and is about to tuck into his sandwich when a frog hops out of the fountain and says to him “Hello! Thank goodness you’re here. I am a beautiful princess who has been cursed by a witch. Only a kiss will turn me back to my human form. Please kiss me and let me return to my people!”
The engineer blinks, smiles, picks up the frog and tucks it into his shirt front pocket. Having finished lunch, he begins a walk around the campus in the sunshine.
The frog furrows its brow. “Um… maybe you didn’t hear me. I am a princess! Please, kiss me and make me human again. I am sure my people will pay handsomely for my return!”
The engineer pats the frog on top of its head and begins to whistle.
The frog panics. “Please, I beg you, I cannot be a frog any longer. Kiss me and I will marry you. You will be a royalty and will be comfortable for the rest of your life.”
“Look Froggie” The engineer finally says…. “I’m an engineer. I wouldn’t know what to do with a girlfriend… but a talking frog? now that’s really cool”

 

What do you get when you cross a sheep stealer with a royalty?

Mutton Looter King

 

There once was a man who that grew up humbly, on an island. As he aged, he remained in the same grass hut he built in his youth. He expanded his home through the years, but lived humbly. He only had one vice. He liked purchasing items that belonged to the royalty, in particular, thrones. He purchased so many, that he was only able to display his favourites, and stored the rest in an overhead room he built. One day, while sitting in his favourite throne, the ceiling gave way, and over a dozen thrones crashed upon him, killing him. That’s why people who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

 

What do you call the greatest royalty of Vietnamese noodle soup?

The best PhoKing you’ll ever find!

 

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller called Sarah who hoped to learn the proper skills of divination by training alongside a renowned fortune teller, Madame Lointain
After having studied for many months and having completed all the necessary readings of the varied tomes, Sarah was taught the simplest forms of fortune telling – reading the future from tea leaves in a cup, or the casting of chicken bones – but it wasn’t until two years of studying that she finally graduated to the most renowned tool of all fortune tellers, the crystal ball.
Madame Lointain explained the process to her. First an old sack cloth needed to be laid across the table, then the crystal ball was placed on the cloth. Finally, the fortune teller should touch the crystal ball lightly with the very tip of their fingers and allow the divination to flow through them. When this process was complete, the crystal ball would cloud before showing the user a vision of the future.
Sarah followed the steps and touched the crystal ball. There was a tingling sensation, the ball clouded, and she had the briefest of visions of herself as a fortune teller in her own village.
“Congratulations!” said Madame Lointain “You have passed the final test of fortune telling – the test of scrying – which means you are no longer a trainee but instead you are a fully qualified fortune teller now!”
Sarah was extremely pleased and immediately returned to her village, where she began preparing her house for her new business. She bought candles and incense, she bought a one-eyed cat and a toad, and she bought a set of good China, and the finest crystal ball she could find. Then she went to the market stall, where traders from Eastern lands sold their wares, and looked for a cloth to go beneath the crystal ball.

Sarah decided that an old sack cloth would look very shabby beneath her beautiful new crystal ball and instead found herself taken by a beautiful purple fabric in one of the stalls.
“What kind of fabric is this?” she asked.
“Why, you have an eye for quality,” said the trader with a smile. “For this is made from the finest milled silk. It is good enough for royalty in fact.”
Well, that swayed Sarah completely and she purchased the fabric and completed the set-up of her business. She was now ready to open to the public, finally.
To begin with, it was an immense success. She tossed chicken bones, she stirred tea leaves, but when she finally came to the climax of her display, she found herself unable to see anything in the crystal ball. She strained, she pleaded inwardly, but it remained clear without a hint of cloudiness.
Sarah made an excuse and gave her customer a refund, seeing them off with a smile, but was terribly worried. She was sure that she had done everything properly but it was no use, she was no longer able to scry. In floods of tears, she sent a message to Madame Lointain pleading for help and shut up shop while she waited.
Three days later there was a knock at the door. Madame Lointain stepped inside and Sarah explained how she had lost the ability to successfully use the crystal ball.
Firstly, Madame Lointain checked the crystal ball but it was in perfect working order. For a moment she was slightly bewildered as to what could be wrong, but then she noticed the purple fabric on the table beneath it.
“Where is the sack cloth?” she asked.
“Oh,” said Sarah, “I thought this was more beautiful. It is the finest milled silk, good enough for royalty.”
“Ah, well that explains it,” said Madame Lointain with a sigh.
“It does?” asked Sarah.
“Of course!” said Madame Lointain, “Haven’t you ever heard it’s no use scrying over milled silk?”

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