SATURDAY JOKES – 61

Posted on June 26, 2021 · Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,

“Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy – either way, you get your dog back!”

 

Q: Why does the easter bunny hide her eggs?

A: She doesn’t want anyone to know she is a chicken.

 

I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.
So, I went up to him and said, “Come on, how about giving a man a break?”
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for also having parked partially on the pavement!!
So, I called him a son of a mutant pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes and the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t give a damn.
My car was parked around the corner…

 

What did the cashew say to the peanuts at church?
“Can I get an ALMOND?!”

 

This woman goes in for a facelift and the doctor says: “We’ve got this new method: I put a knob in the back of your head, and every time you feel like you need a lift, just turn it.”
She gets the knob implanted and is beautiful for five years.
But one day she notices a problem and returns to the doctor.
“I’ve got these huge bags under my eyes,” she complains.
The surgeon replies: “Those aren’t bags; those are your breasts.”
“Ah,” she sighs. “That explains the goatee.”

 

Rest in peace to boiling water.

You will be mist!

 

Why can’t male ants sink?

They are buoy-ant!

 

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn’t stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny. The man cried out, “Oh no! I have committed a terrible sin! I have run over the Easter Bunny!” The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was. The man explained, “I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it’s all my fault.” The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny. Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, “What is that stuff in that bottle?”

The woman replied, “It’s hare spray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave.”

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp.Natural memory enhancer