SUNDAY JOKES – 42

Posted on February 14, 2021 · Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean RM200?”

 

Overfishing makes us hard of herring.

I won’t eat farmed fish either.

I don’t believe in roughie housing, or carp pooling.

I have haddock up to here!

 

The judge asked the defendant, “Mr. Jones, do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”
“I do.”
“Now what do you say to defend yourself?”
“Your Honour, under those limitations … nothing.”

 

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a nature history lesson.
“Worker ants,” she told them, “can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?”
One child was ready with the answer, “They don’t have a trade union?”

 

Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.

 

Which actress wobbled when she walked?

Lucille Ball.

 

Eve: “My dear Jack is so forgetful.”
Celia: “I agree. At the party last night, I had to keep reminding him that it’s you that he’s engaged to and not me.”

 

Four guys were at a deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
The next night it was the second guy’s turn. In the morning, Same thing happens again, his hair is standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
The other two said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”
He said, “Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night.”
The third night was Frank’s turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man’s man. The next morning, he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning,” he said. The other two couldn’t believe it!
He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, “Man, what happened?”
He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night.”

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