SUNDAY JOKES – 59

Posted on June 13, 2021 · Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

A noted sex therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.
To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people and goes down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person’s smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.
“Twice a day,” the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no.
“Once a day, then?” Again, the answer is no.
“Twice a week?”
“No.”
“Twice a month?”
“No.”
The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to “once a year.”
The therapist is angry that his theory isn’t working, and asks the man, “What the heck are you so happy about?”

The man answers, “Tonight’s the night!”

 

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that ‘Won Ton’ spelled backward is ‘Not Now’.

 

The four stages of a man’s life…
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus

 

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar.

When it’s good, it’s good.

When it’s bad, you get it on your shirt.

 

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep!

 

I’d like a game show with millionaires on it, and they have to play with their own money.

They can’t win money and they can only lose until one of them goes completely broke.

The show is called “Haha, Now You’re Poor Again.”

 

Q:  Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

A:  To get to the bottom!

 

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman in her neighbourhood who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked the gentlemen, “What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?” The gentlemen responded, “Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”
Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, “By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?”
No”, she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous!

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