THURSDAY JOKES – 40

Posted on January 28, 2021 ยท Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

A little boy wanted RM100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the RM100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD, they decided to send it to the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his private secretary to send the little boy a RM 5 bill. The Prime Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the RM 5 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Putrajaya and as usual, those jerks deducted RM 95.

 

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay.
Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. “I’m having a problem,” she announced. “The ice keeps melting.”

 

An enterprising, but bashful sailor finds himself on shore leave in Korea for his first time. While the rest of the guys are out having a jolly good time in the red-light district of Pusan, our hero just can’t get up the nerve to ask the local girls how much it costs for a good time.
He sits at his table for a moment watching the girls, and devises a get laid plan.
One of the local girls approaches him and asks, “What is your name?”
He replies, “Rick Venus”
She says, “Lick?”
He says, “Sure, how much?”

 

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.”
I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?”

 

A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
“Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper? “Moshe replied, “I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So, I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!”

 

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, “I’m not going.”
“Why not?” she asked. “I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “One, they don’t like me, and two, I don’t like them.”
His mother replied, “I’ll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One, you’re 54 years old, and two, you’re the pastor!”

 

One man said to the other, “You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can’t.

 

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said “Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, “Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?”
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied “In Susie’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, “Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Susie.”
Again, Johnny instantly replied, “Our allowance…Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, and that’ll do us just fine.”
By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn’t have an answer for. After a second, Mr. Smith said, “Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?”
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far….”

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