THURSDAY JOKES – 63

Posted on July 8, 2021 ยท Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper: “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and scream at his wife when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed that said: “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up!”

 

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

 

Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market.”
“Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,” remarked his friend.
“I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me.”

 

Tim: I wish I had the money to buy an elephant.
Tom: What do you want with an elephant?
Tim: Nothing, I just want the money.

 

Once, Santokh Singh’s wife Taljit Kaur asked, “Santokh, you were born in Setapak, we live in Petaling Jaya, and you played football for Selangor. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?”
Santokh replied, “Surprise me.”

 

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the 3rd day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.”
“No, from skipping.”

 

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”

 

A minister, a priest and a religious man went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.” As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the religious man covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the religious man why he covered his face rather than his private. The religious man replied, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”

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