TUESDAY JOKES – 70

Posted on August 24, 2021 · Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

It was graduation night at Kajang High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Sham is a few credits short and won’t be able to graduate tonight.”
As of now, Sham is the starting right-back for the School’s football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn’t going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, “Give Sham another chance, give Sham another chance!”
Cikgu Abdullah and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Sham another chance. Sham is told that he will be given a “Single Question” mathematics test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, “What is 2 plus 3?” Sham thinks for about 10 minutes and finally says, “I have it! The answer is 5!”
There was complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Kajang High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, “Give Sham one more chance. Give Sham one more chance!”

 

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick!

 

I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers.
One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from her first child to her last.
She told me she really had mellowed quite a lot over the years . . .
“When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance!”

 

I was on the subway the other day, and the guy next to me was crying over a book. He was actually crying.

So, I leaned over – I said, you don’t know how to read, either?

 

The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, “I have to go back to the office – I forgot to lock the safe!”
The other partner replied, “What are you worried about? We’re both here.”

 

NED: Hear about my rich friend, Herb?
ED: No…
NED: He’s a cilantropist!

 

I visited my friend at his new house.

He told me to make myself at home.

So, I threw him out.

I hate having visitors!

 

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.
The cat was feeling quite happy so as the water wasn’t that deep, he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day things go basically the same and the cat again looks into the pond. There he found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom of the pond. It looked so delicious but it was so deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLASH – he fell into water and drowned.

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