The issue of Asian vs. Western parenting was placed under the spotlight when a Yale professor published a book about it. The book is entitled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and was written by Amy Chua. The book focused on the debate between Asian parenting and Western parenting, and was met with conflicting opinions from readers.
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The book is just one of many that portrays Asian parenting as too strict, especially in comparison with the much more lenient Western parenting techniques. Here are some of the issues in which Asian and Western parenting differ:
1. Academic achievement is the measure of a good parent.
Asian parenting is often stereotyped as one that expects too much from children and one that places a lot of pressure on children to achieve and succeed. And this stereotype is not always false.
In fact, some studies that compare the beliefs of Western and Asian parents even reveal that around 70% of Western mothers do not think that heavy emphasis on academic success is good for their kids, while 100% of Asian parents think that academic success is of primary importance. Instead, Asian parents were found to go by the rule that successful parenting is measured by children’s academic achievements. This means that if a child is successful academically, it follows that his parents are successful in raising him. Likewise, if children do not excel in school, it only means that their parents are not doing a good job of raising them.
Although this is not as obvious in today’s society, many countries in Asia, including Malaysia, China, and South Korea, among others, are still affected by this sort of thinking.
2. Individuality matters.
While Asian parenting is focused on academic achievements, Western parenting is believed to be focused largely on individuality. Western parents are highly concerned with raising kids who know how to decide for themselves, kids who can express their individuality to the full. Parents in Asia, however, think that if kids are left on their own, they will not meet their highest standards. This is another issue in which Asian and Western parenting principles clash.
Many experts believe that either of these two principles gets it completely right. According to them, parents have to let kids find their own individuality, but not to the point that parents become detached. Thus, they tell Western parents to still be there to actively encourage the child. On the other hand, some Asian parents overdo the encouragement and somehow, it becomes expectations instead. Thus, experts suggest that Asian parents should focus on support, not expectations.
3. Practice makes perfect.
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Practice is a central concept in Asian parenting. This is why the Asian curriculum consists of many practice tests. Asian belief also claims that practicing continuously and relentlessly is key to becoming successful. This does have certain advantages; for example, they are able to instill patience in their kids, and they do eventually make their kids learn, grow, and improve. However, in the process of encouraging kids to practice, some Asian parents go too far. For example, they may schedule back to back after-school classes for their kids to maximize their time for practice and even more practice. This somehow takes the fun and pleasure out of the activity that kids used to love.
In Western parenting, practice does not take that big a role. Instead, Western parents build more on natural talents. They want kids to find what they are naturally good at, and their main goal is to make kids feel highly esteemed for these natural talents. This also has certain disadvantages, such that some kids tend to feel overconfident and don’t find the need to improve. This, however, is more beneficial for a kid’s self-confidence and esteem.
What Asian Parents Have to Do In the Face of These Conflicting Techniques
So the question is, what should you, as an Asian parent, do?
Asian parents don’t have to completely abandon their traditional parenting principles and fully embrace the Western style. Both parenting techniques have their own advantages and disadvantages. As a parent, especially in these modern times, the best course of action is to learn from both techniques and apply a little of both, to find a balance between these two, so you can apply their advantages but minimize their disadvantages.
This will help you raise well-rounded individuals with a clear sense of self and just the right balance between self-esteem and discipline.
