The stress of parenting often makes parents compare their children, either to each other or to some other child who they feel is the epitome of how a child should be. While popular belief is that this comparison makes your child believe that he or she can behave in a better way or that he or she already does, in reality it only crushes your child’s self confidence and makes him or her seek your attention in different ways. In case you have compared your child to another child based on some parenting tip someone had generously shared with you, you should immediately sit down with your child and explain that that was not what you meant.
Comparing one child to another can leave a child scarred for life and can result in many behavioural disorders later in life. Not only that, it may lead to your child doing something drastic in order to get your attention. Although several parenting tips openly suggest that you can compare your child to his or her sibling to receive the desired effect, most parents are realising the harm that may occur. Not only that, the harm caused is irreversible. There have been many instances where parents comparing one sibling to the other have resulted in a bad relation between two siblings. There are several outcomes of sibling comparisons, such as,
– Quite obviously, if you commit a serious parenting mistake, such as comparing your children, the one who is being compared will feel much inferior. It may even affect his or her self confidence permanently parenting means making your child feel good about himself or herself, not making them question their actions in comparison to another. While you may consider this to be an effective parenting method, it is flawed and will only do more harm than good.
– Due to lack of confidence, brought about by the various comparisons made, your child may not recognise his or her talent and therefore not be able to express himself or herself to you or anybody else. A parenting tip would be to encourage your child’s talents rather than put them down by comparing them to standards way beyond his age. When you are parenting a child, you must remember that he is just that, a child, and is incapable of matching up to the high standards to which you are comparing him. By continuing this sort of comparison, all you are doing is putting him or her down and making him or her introvert. Many children never get to express their various talents because they are always over shadowed by an elder sibling who is better at everything.
Instead of enjoying the joys of childhood with their siblings, a child who is forced to bear comparisons will begin to harbour feelings of jealousy towards his or her sibling. Good parenting would result in the siblings sharing a good relation. However, due to various comparisons made during their childhood, many siblings grow up to loath each other. Parenting tips suggest treating both children equally rather than favouring one of the two. Only then can they share a healthy relationship.
– When parenting two children, you must remember that children are more perceptive than we think they are. Even if you think that you can get away by not voicing a comparison which has come to your mind, you should know that you cannot. Children tend to understand when they are being compared to someone, especially if it is their own sibling. Therefore when parenting, remember not to compare your children, consciously or unconsciously. They tend to perceive through your behaviour.
A good parenting tip would be to use one sibling as an example rather than a comparison. For instance, instead of saying,”your sister can do so and so thing better than you”, say something like,” see, your sister can do this so well, why don’t you help her and see how she does it.” If you are clever enough to word your sentences in this way, rather than an outright comparison, it is likely that your child will learn more and resent less. Thus, use your word and parenting skills well and you should be able to deal with both your children well.
