HOLIDAY JOKES

Posted on January 18, 2022 · Posted in Blog, General, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. One was a Hindu and constantly berated the other for eating meat!

After stopping for a hot dog, the Hindu erupted “Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what’s in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!”

The American replied “I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest).”

As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the Hindu over. The American called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.

The injured Hindu was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared.

He told the uninjured American, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.” “The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”

 

What did the Hindu monk say when the policeman asked him to leave the premises?

Namaste!

 

A guy walks into a Hindu bakery…

The guy said, “tomorrow’s my girlfriend’s birthday, but I’m a bit short on cash, what’s your cheapest cake?”

Baker responded, “come back tomorrow, and I’ll have one ready for you at no cost.”

Skeptical, the guy almost didn’t return. But the next day he was passing by and walked in. The baker went to the back room, and brought out the most beautiful, multi-tiered, lavender cake he’d ever seen. He handed it to the guy, who then pulled out all the money he had in his pocket and offered it to the baker. “No need to pay me, this is my gift to you” said the baker.

“Why in the world would you do this?” asked the guy.

“Because cake day is the best day to earn karma!”

 

My friend always gets mad at me for calling her a Hindu.

Maybe if she’d stop saying “Holy cow!” so frequently…

 

Always pray in English…

Mr. Sharma, a Hindu suffered a heart attack. The paramedics arrived and put Mr. Sharma in the ambulance and raced towards the hospital. Realizing his time had come, Mr. Sharma started reciting the Hindu prayer, “Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om…”

Ten minutes later, the paramedics brought him back to his house. His wife was aghast and asked the paramedics why they brought him back home?

The paramedics replied, “as soon as we were on our way, he kept shouting hurry home, hurry home, hurry home, so we brought him back…”

 

What’s the Hindu God of baking?

Ganache!

 

I can get almost all of my friends to do stupid stuff by simply saying, “YOLO”

It never seems to work with my Hindu friends though!

 

I went to an Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

 

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

 

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

The Imam came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”

I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”

The Hindu sadhu came and said “Beta, you will walk on your legs today.”

I said “Babaji – nothing wrong with my legs”

The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”

I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

I believe in all Religions now!

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