Parents Who Sing the Apron-String Blues

Posted on August 9, 2012 · Posted in Parenting

Certainly the tendency for most parents is to doing everything they can to make their kids wanted and feeling loved.  Unfortunately, some parents go way overboard in doing everything for their children, and suddenly the “child” is 30-something and still living at home with mom cooking all their meals, doing their laundry, and cleaning up after them.  These are now the Parents Who Sing the Apron-String Blues.  The apron string has now become a noose around both their necks chocking the ever-loving life out of them.  The mom because she’s become co-dependent on the child and having the son/daughter there all the time makes her feel “needed”, and the son/daughter because they know they have it easy and they don’t want to take responsibility  for their lives.   Both are losing their own lives in this scenario.

So what’s a parent to do when they can’t write a country song or a great self-help book called “Kicking Out your 30-Something Year Old and Feeling Good About It”?  Well, there are plenty of country songs and self-help books already, and they aren’t solving the problem, so now is the time to figure out when it went wrong and fix it now.

Children should become independent and rely on their own abilitiesPicture Credit:  SEPpics

Many parents want to help their children to be the best that they can be, but where most parents fail is that they believe that in order for their children to achieve this, they have to do it for them.

So here’s Problem 1:
The son has a book report due the next day and is frustrated and whining about the homework assignment because he hasn’t read the book yet.  It’s a small book that would take about an hour to read.  What’s the best solution?

A.    Find a synopsis about the book on the Internet and let him copy it for his book report.

  1. Let him go play the computer game and write it for him.
  2. Make him sit down, read the book, and write the report.

For parents who answered A:  Wrong, this teaches the child it’s ok to cheat and cheating will help him get ahead.  This doesn’t prepare him for a successful future.

For parents who answered B:  Wrong, this teaches the child the easy way out is to let someone else do his work for him.  He will make a poor employee and have a difficult future believing everyone else is supposed to do his job for him.

For parents who answered C:  Correct, because this teaches him that when there is an assignment to be done, the only way to accomplish the task is to do it.  It may also identify if the child is having difficulties in reading the book which could indicate the root of the problem.  It could be eyesight issues, dyslexia, not understanding the words, and regardless that will be a great clue on why he’s having problems in other areas as well.

Don’t take the easy way out with the kids because it doesn’t help prepare them for their futures if parents are always doing everything for them.

It’s actually easy for parents to get stuck in the role of doing everything possible for the child, but the role of the parent is to prepare them for becoming a successful, contributing adult.  Remember, that the task of the parent is to put the best interest of the child first, not get stuck in the easiest solution at the moment; otherwise, mom may be running down to the gym to tie the shoe laces on their 27 year old son’s shoes because he never had to learn to tie them in the first place – mom always did it for him.

Children should become independent and rely on their own abilities, and be encouraged to do for themselves.  When they fall, help them pick themselves up, realize what happened, and plan for a different outcome the next time.  Children need the practice while they are growing up to develop the self-confidence and ability to do and think for themselves instead of always depending on mom or dad to do it for them.

When parents are doing too much for their children, the child will eventually have a lower self esteem, and they will forever struggle with their own problems.  Parents Who Sing the Apron-String Blues do a lot less singing the blues when they let the child sing themselves and do things on their own.Natural memory enhancer