The Manipulated Parent

Posted on August 13, 2012 · Posted in Parenting

Every parent who has ever had a teenager knows that these strange creatures can push parent’s buttons better than anything else on the planet.  The Manipulated Parent can feel like they have been poked more than the Pillsbury Doughboy’s belly.  Teenagers push their parents buttons for a multitude of reasons but mainly because they want attention, are trying to deflect the parent’s attention from some infraction, get what they want, or they just enjoy watching parents blow up.

There are a number of ways that teenagers manipulate their parents, and when the parents are aware of what they are doing, parents can neutralize the manipulation:

Vengeance and Retaliation:

When the teenager is not doing what they are told to do, many times it’s for revenge against the parents.  If they are not doing what they are told to do, increase the restrictions and the duration of the restriction.  It could be restricting them from using their phone, playing video games, trips to the mall, or the computer for social media, and above all never give into them are relent until the stated time frame and restriction is completed.  Also increase the chores that they are expected to do while they are restricted and even more if they complain.

Broken Record Syndrome:

When the teenager wants to do something, such as get the newest iPhone, and have adopted the mantra of “I want, I want, I want, I want” and usually they know it wears the parents down after a couple dozen times of making the demand.  Once the parents have told them that they can’t have the item or go to the friend’s house, remind them that they have been told “no” and if they continue asking they will begin to lose privileges for each time they continue to nag.  Stick to the punishment and the duration, be strong and don’t give in no matter how difficult it is.  Let the teenager know that continued asking means extended consequences.

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire:

Most teenagers lie about all kinds of things, but mostly because they think they are smarter than their parents and that their parents will never find out what they have done. Lies of omission are just as bad as lies to the parent’s face.  As the teenager becomes more proficient at lying, it gets more difficult for the parents to recognize it – mostly because some teenagers are so good at it they have their parents completely buffaloed.  Be observant about what is going on with the teenagers at all times, know where they are going, and verify it with their friend’s parents.  When they are caught lying call them on it immediately and act on the consequences of lying at that time.  Don’t put it off so that they can go to the party they wanted to go to, if it’s grounding, start immediately.

Turning Turtle:

When the teenager shuts down and refuses to respond, it’s generally because they mistakenly think the “silent treatment” will bring their parents to their knees.  Wrong!  For each instance they do not POLITELY respond to questions, they lose 30 minutes on the computer or texting privileges.  However, if the teenager is upset about something they think they can handle by themselves, let them know that they can discuss it and you’ll be there to help them solve the issue, but the silent treatment is an unacceptable solution and there are consequences to the continued silence.

Outcast Blues:

When the teenager states they will lose all their friends or get beaten up if they have to wear “that shirt or those jeans” and they must have the favored jeans Kiko, don’t give into the manipulation pleas.  If the kids feels they will really be in danger then find out if that is the truth, and if it’s just exploitation apply the consequences for the manipulation.

Parents must be responsible and know what is going on with their kids to avoid being The Manipulated ParentNonetheless, the teenagers will continue to punch the buttons to get what they want or simply to get attention.  Be consistent with the punishment and don’t give in and end the consequences early.  It’s also important that the same rules apply to all teenagers in the family.  It’s a matter of doing the right thing, ensuring the teenagers are safe, and being a responsible mom or dad.Natural memory enhancer