Many parents expect too much from themselves when it comes to being a parent. Parents in Asia are more prone to giving up their entire lives when they become parents. It is more common for Asian parents, especially the mothers, to stay home with their kids full-time. Parents who decide to take on full-time parenting might be in danger of falling into a trap, the trap of thinking that they do not have the right to complain or to think about themselves, the trap of thinking that they have to sacrifice everything for the good of their kids.
Thus, many parents tend to feel guilty doing these three things that they should in fact be doing. These include:
1. Taking time off.
Many Asian parents feel guilty about taking some time off from their duties as a parent. In the long run, however, they can become unhappy because they never do anything for themselves anymore. Thus, it is important for a full-time parent to schedule a few minutes each day or a few hours every week so they can take care of themselves. This may involve something as simple as getting your nails done or reading a book you’ve been meaning to read.
Some parents think that dedicated parents don’t take time off. But experts disagree. If you are dedicated to being a positive, supportive, and nurturing parent, it is important to schedule some quality time for yourself. If you don’t, the task of 24/7 parenting can stress you out, and this will certainly have a negative effect on your relationship with your kids.
Parenting is a demanding job, and if you don’t take the time to recharge, you will certainly become less effective as a parent.
2. Putting your marriage first.
Many couples seem to think that once the kids are born, their marriages are less important. The primary relationship that led to the formation of the family now takes the backseat. In a way, this belief is one of the reasons why many marriages break up. A couple can be great parents, but in their desire to become the perfect parents, they somehow become bad spouses. In the long run, a marriage that does not work harmoniously will not provide a good, nurturing environment where a child can grow up in. And if the marriage eventually ends up in tatters, it’s the children that ultimately suffer the most.
So even if you might somehow feel guilty for putting your husband or wife first before your kids, this is necessary too, as a happy relationship between husband and wife is the best foundation for your kids’ happiness and positive growth.
Resentment towards one another, even a silent one, can have a major effect on your kids, and this effect can be so huge that kids bring it with them as they grow up.
Even in the midst of busy schedules, parents should therefore take some time to talk to each other like they used to, or to schedule a day out or a night out without the kids. Being a good spouse is part of being a good parent. And if your relationship is strong, you are also setting a good example for your kids.
3. Getting help.
There’s no parenthood rule book that says you can’t get help. Even if your spouse is at work, a full-time parent can always get the help that she needs from other sources, such as extended family members, friends, or professional childcare services. Having a support system or a ready source of help will help keep a parent’s mind clear and positive, and will therefore help you become a better parent.
It is impossible to raise a child on your own. If you get support and help from others, you will be healthier and happier and will thus be at a better state to take care of your children. Seeking help also invites other people, especially friends and family, to be part of the family, which is also healthy in the long run.
Of course, parents should prioritize seeking help from family and friends before seeking professional services. But if there is no other choice, then it is all right to seek professional help, just so you could take some time for yourself. This, however, does not mean you can just rely 100% on professional help. Despite the presence of child care services, it is still better if your kids learn and grow by your side. A few hours each week at the daycare, however, just so you could go and get a calming massage, can help a lot.
