THURSDAY JOKES – 16

Posted on August 13, 2020 · Posted in Blog, Memo Plus Gold, Personal

A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,

“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.

“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re not sterile.”

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great checkup.

Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?”
“Well,” he said, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”
“That’s a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?”
“Yeah, and they’re in favour 15 to 2.”

 

My pet mouse Elvis died today…
He was caught in a trap.

“Take it easy, Doc — you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”

 

“Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?”

 

“Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

 

Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped.

What is a tiger?
A: A stri-ped!

Q: What did the lion say to her cubs when she taught them to hunt?
A: ‘Don’t go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.’

 

It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor’s door, followed by a groan.

The doctor angrily thrust his head out of the window. “WELL?” he shouted.
“No,” moaned the man. “SICK.”

 

Los Angeles is a very confusing place, the only place I know where you can have, simultaneously, a drought and a flood.

Every time you watch the weatherman, he goes, rained all day, didn’t help the drought.

Back to you, Tom. I got news for you, folks.

If water doesn’t solve your drought, you’re screwed.

 

When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.

Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “Price check on Tampax, supersize, please.

” As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store misunderstood the word “Tampax” for “thumbtacks.”

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom,

“Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?”

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