Why do Parents and Kids Argue?

Posted on January 17, 2013 · Posted in Parenting

There are a number of reasons that parents and kids end up arguing, but as with all arguments or heated debates, the underlying main problem is a difference of opinion. This happens all the time within the dynamics of a family regardless of upbringing or child rearing techniques. The problems that exist between parents and kids are generally a direct result of permission not being granted for a specific request, at which time the child decides to voice their opinions on the matter and usually without much forethought, this is quite often met with a hot headed response from the adult side of the equation.

Parents and Kids ArgueRemember it takes two people to argue, so if parents and kids begin to engage in this type of situation, it is up to the parents to control the circumstances surrounding the episode and find a resolution whether it is acceptable to the child or not. Most of the arguments that begin between parents and kids do so because in this day and age it is viewed as socially unacceptable for parents to threaten or abuse their children like they once did in the past. In days gone by parents were allowed to punish their children any way they saw fit and that normally eliminated any outbreaks of disagreement from the children in the family.

In this day and age it has become much easier for arguments to erupt between parents and kids and most parents feel as though their control has been taken out of their hands, since any type of punishment resulting from the episode could be viewed as abusive, especially if it entails physically touching the child to remove them from the area where they are attempting to cause a scene. When you see parents and kids arguing today you will often notice an expression of shock on the face of the parent as they are astonished by their children’s behavior in public and yet are left without the opportunity to correct the attitude and prevent further outbreaks.

Parents and kids are equally responsible for their actions yet neither of them wants to admit they might be wrong, or that the other person might have a valid argument in support of their case. Parents want to believe that they are completely in control of every situation, whereas children want to believe that they are capable of handling themselves responsibly in a social atmosphere. Parents and kids have been in disagreement with this issue for centuries and will more than likely continue to be so for many more centuries to come. There doesn’t seem to be an equal ground achieved until the child reaches the age of being considered an adult which in most areas is the age of 18, by which time they view their parents as relics from a lost civilization.

Trying to determine the nature of an actual argument between parents and kids would involve being there from the start and being privileged to the information that was discussed just prior to the outburst. Parents and kids will argue over some of the dumbest things without sufficient reason, although some arguments are actually over legitimate reasons of disagreement, they almost always occur as the result of a single word. Children ask permission to do things and expect to be told ‘yes,’ it is when they receive the opposite answer of ‘no,’ that they feel the need to state their case and try to persuade the parent to their point of view.

If there were no need for children to ask permission to engage in different activities the possibility for arguments to ensue between parents and kids wouldn’t exist and the world would be a much happier place, at least for the children. It is impossible to imagine there is a family out there that hasn’t had the pleasure of engaging in an argument between parents and kids since arguing is an ingrained part of the parenting process that is taught and learned at the earliest stages. In order to prevent the onset of an argument parents might attempt to give a more educated answer and explain why they have refused the request for permission for that particular activity or event as opposed to simply saying ‘no,’ and leaving it at that.

Resource Box: The differences between parents and kids are as vast as the universe itself; however they can be avoided or prevented by implementing the proper communication techniques. Parents and kids will always argue, but the after effects do not have to be nearly as devastating to the relationship as some of them are.

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