The relationship between parents and kids is very dynamic. It is often different with each family. For some, parents hold the control. For others, it’s the kids who hold control. The latter relates to a concept called permissive parenting or the type of parenting wherein parents are unable to or are afraid to control their kids.
For many years, experts have warned parents from becoming too strict as they might fall into the authoritarian parenting technique, which can have negative consequences on children. Unfortunately, some parents took it too far back and end up using permissive parenting instead.
When parents become too submissive, this can also have just as negative effects on the child. Here are some of the disadvantages of permissive parenting:
The Parent Fails to Set Limits
Limits are necessary to teach discipline and self-control among kids. While limits have to be set, they have to be accompanied with empathy. Some parents, however, fails to set limits at all. They usually grant desires that are not supposed to be granted in the first place. The lack of limits will have harmful consequences in the long run. This can result in children who can behave negatively and who don’t know when to stop. Once they step out onto the world, they might find it hard to adjust and stick to the limits set by society.
The Child doesn’t Learn How to Accept Disappointment.
Of course, it is not normal for a parent to want to disappoint their kids, but it is also bad for children to be given everything they want. At some point, such as when kids want something they can’t have, they will have to face disappointment, however small. This is proper training for when they step out onto the real world, where disappointment is inevitable. Parents who use permissive parenting do not train their kids for this. Instead, they form the idea that their parents will never let them be disappointed, and may therefore always want to get what they want or to have things their way. When, eventually, they get disappointed, they also do not have the resources to fend the negative feelings off.
This can have several effects: as grown-ups, they might be fearful of feeling disappointment and may avoid all risks to protect themselves from becoming disappointed. Or, this may encourage children to insist or enforce what they want, even if it means taking shortcuts or cheating.
The inability to control and handle challenging feelings is called emotional intelligence, or EQ. Permissive parenting, unfortunately, does not build up a child’s EQ.
The Child Equates Fulfillment of Desires with Happiness.
By keeping a child happy by means of submitting to his needs, the child therefore grows up thinking that they will not be happy if some of their desires are not granted. He is then likely to grow up pursuing one desire after another and expecting these desires to make him happy.
The Child will Not Learn to Develop Internal Happiness
As a consequence of the previous problem, the child will not be able to form the concept of internal happiness, or happiness that is not driven by material things. This is also connected to his inability to accept his disappointments.
Permissive Parents will Over-indulge their Thildren
Permissive parents will be forced to make compromises just to indulge their children. For example, they may let their kids stay up till late at night to watch TV, even if this means their academic performance will be affected. These compromises will also fail to make a parent satisfied with his parenting skills, because the parents are forced to sacrifice the things that matter to them, such as their children’s achievements.
These are just some of the reasons why permissive parenting is just as harmful for kids as its opposite – authoritarian parenting – is. So the best way to parent a child is to set limits but to base it on a loving relationship between parents and kids, a relationship bonded by mutual respect. This sits just between permissive and strict parenting, which means parents have to be strict but not too strict and permissive but not too permissive. Parents should therefore look for parenting tips and heed advice that can help them set effective limitations for their children.
