Many parents have relented to a screaming child and bought whatever it was they wanted just to get them to be quiet, or to make them stop saying “I hate you”. Unfortunately, when parents continue this model of bribing the child into being stopping the behavior, the child becomes quite spoiled, and A Spoiled Child Becomes the Parent’s Worst Nightmare in the upcoming years. The important step is to get control of the situation – and the child – when they are very young before this gets out of hand, ,and parents have a little spoiled monster on their hands.
There are two basic questions to consider regarding the spoiled child:
- How did this problem start?
- What can be done to stop it now?
Regrettably, most parents hate to admit that the spoiled child is basically their fault, and there are really many reasons for this.
- Some parents give the child everything they want out of guilt because they are frequently away and believe appeasing the child replaces the absence. When parents are giving their children everything they want out of guilt, they will soon discover what a disaster this is when the job is lost, or they are home more frequently and they lack the money for the gifts. Then the fights, tantrums, and whining goes into overdrive mode and this takes enormous amounts of time to overcome.
- Many parents spoil their children due to their own childhood issues because they want to compensate for things they didn’t receive when they were children, and they swore their children would never want for anything. When parents capitulate because of their own childhood issues, it’s time the parents get some counseling to identify and resolve their issues, because their children may get everything they want, but it’s extremely difficult to turn the spoiled child around when the parents issues are resolved.
- And then there are the parents who are successful and spoil their kids with the newest, latest, and greatest toys as a display of their financial success. For those successful parents who want to display their wealth, this creates many problems. It gives the child the sense that they will get everything they want and will never have to work for anything, it gives them that “entitled mentality” and if they fail to get over that, they are doomed for a lifetime of failure and disappointment in the real world.
In order to get out of these patterns, there have to be some behavior changes on the part of the parents. Be strong, and learn NOT to give into the kids just to shut them up or bribe them into behaving. Stop giving into their demands with a reward. Set some rules and stick to them, then set some consequences for violations of the rules but remember the age of the child and know it must be appropriate rules and consequences, and be clear on explaining the rules. Be aware both parents must stick to the rules, so there is no running to the other parent to give in and let them have what they want.
For young children, don’t justify the decision, tell them “No, and any further whining or tantrums will result in more consequences, not less.” Remember, the parents rule the home, NOT the children, and most children know that if they ask at least nine or ten times, the parents will get tired of hearing it, and will eventually give in. Stay strong and add a consequence for every ensuing time they continue their relentless demands.
Don’t give in to the old “but all my friends have whatever”. If it’s something they want that bad, work out a schedule of chores that they can EARN the money to buy it themselves. They will appreciate it more in the long run, and chances are by the time they have saved the money for the item, they no longer want it, and they can put it towards something else. Remember the rules and the consequences through this time. And remember if there are meltdowns and tantrums, stay calm be patient, and remember that this is going to take time to undo these already-ingrained behaviors.
A Spoiled Child Becomes the Parent’s Worst Nightmare, but there are methods to reverse the behavior and change the child’s behavior with understanding, patience, rules, and consequences.
