Communication Problems between Parents and Kids

Posted on January 28, 2013 · Posted in Parenting

Communication is one of the key elements to all relationships. Communication is needed between parents and kids, between teachers and the children, and teachers and the guardians of the children, and the doctors and the guardians of the children, and the list goes on forever. Developing good communication between parents and kids is the focal point of many books that are written by parenting experts.

One of the biggest problems that cause a lack of communication between parents and kids is the inability of one or more of the parties to be a good listener. If everyone is focused on getting their opinions heard then no one is shutting up long enough to hear what the other party is saying. Both the parents and the kids need to learn to shut up and listen to what the other person is telling them. Here is one way of developing the skill of listening better.

1. Get a ruler and the person holding the ruler is the one that is allowed to speak. Sit down and listen to the person holding the ruler, and before they pass the ruler to you so that you can have your say then you need to repeat to them what you heard them say. Sometimes what we think we are saying is not what the people listening actually hear. If you can teach your children to listen then all of their future relationships will be better and last longer.

2. You can also use a timer from a game or the kitchen timer to regulate how long one person can have possession of the ruler so that everyone gets a chance to speak.

Communication Problems between Parents and Kids

When parents and kids are yelling, slamming doors, and stomping off then no one is being heard. When you raise your voice and begin to shout the other person in the equation will automatically start to block what you say. Their only goal at that time is to yell louder than you and be heard. A screaming match is never the correct way to handle a situation. If during the time you are discussing something with your children and you start to hear yourself raising your voice then it is time for you to take a time out and collect your thoughts.

Parents and kids are the best at pushing each other’s buttons. So when the child is mad at you they know exactly what to say to infuriate you and you know what to say that will hurt their feelings and make them blue. Do not allow your discussions to go to this place. When insults start to be thrown around like I hate you or you do not love me, then it is time to take a break before hurtful words are said. Words can hurt as much as a slap in the face except the words will linger forever and the pain from a slap in the face will soon go away.

Establish a rule that the following words are not allowed to be used in your home when you are talking to each other.

  • Never
  • Always
  • Can’t
  • Don’t

Never and always are words parents and kids use when they are trying to discuss problems together but these are permanent words that do not have any place in a discussion. Phrases like “you never” or “you always” just make the waters murky and incite hard feelings from the other party. They should be replaced with “I wish you would” and “sometimes”.

Children often lash out in anger because they think that no one understands the way they feel, and that no one listens to them, or cares about what they are going through. Make a weekly or monthly meeting where the family sits down together and discusses issues that are bothering different members. By creating a time when the entire family can feel free to speak and bring up any issues they are concerned about, you will reduce the number of arguments that happen on a daily basis. This is because issues will be resolved before they fester and become severe. The children will also feel as if they are being heard and understood. This establishes confidence and the ability to compromise and have empathy for the feelings of others.

Resource Box: Parents and kids have to learn to communicate with each other in order to understand each other. The lack of proper communication between parents and kids can cause the children to feel neglected.Natural memory enhancer