Every parent has to know how to effectively discipline their children, but many parents tend to go overboard and use an iron grip when dealing with their kids. Oftentimes, this strict parenting environment does not exhibit the love that parents are supposed to show to their kids.
The concept of strict parenting is a topic that many parents disagree on. It is most associated with parents in Asia, where tradition and culture play a huge role in the bringing up of children. Thus, in order to follow through with parenting trends that tradition dictates, parents in Asia tend to become too strict.
Being strict is important to enforce discipline within the home. According to research, many parents think that strict parenting produces kids who behave better. Many parents, unfortunately, sometimes cross the line between enforcing discipline and controlling their children. Unfortunately, research also shows that strict, authoritarian parenting, which is sometimes associated with Asian parents, may produce kids that have low self-esteem. This causes them to behave badly compared to other kids, which, in turn, causes even more punishment.
Disadvantages of Strict Parenting
1. Strict parenting does not teach self-control and self-discipline.
A strict parent takes on the whole role of disciplining the kids, and therefore leaves no room for self-discipline. A parent is responsible for teaching a child how to control himself and how to determine which is the correct and the incorrect behavior. Harsh limits, unfortunately, tend to make kids resist self-discipline in their desire to break free of the controlling environment their parents have created. As is normal for people who are controlled, kids will reject limits instead of respect them.
2. Strict parenting plays on fear.
Parents and kids are supposed to have a relationship centered on love, but authoritarian parenting creates a relationship based on fear. Kids that are afraid of their parents do what their parents want out of fear, not out of love, respect, or out of proper understanding of right and wrong. They merely follow the instructions of their parents instead of thinking for themselves. All they do is obey.
3. Kids raised by overly strict parents have a higher tendency of developing anger and depression.
Authoritarian parenting comes with the unspoken assumption that a part of the kid is not acceptable and thus has to be controlled. This creates negative feelings that the authoritarian parent also does not show empathy for, making kids unable to release them. These difficult feelings can eventually lead to anger and depression later on in life.
4. Kids raised by controlling parents are trained to simply follow orders.
Kids who have gotten used to being told what to do can take this attitude with them as they grow. In life, they will be more prone to peer pressure and will not be able to stand up for themselves. They will not learn to question authority when it is necessary. They will also hide by the excuse of simply following orders to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
5. Authoritarian parenting does not promote a caring and loving relationship between parents and kids.
Parents who deal with their kids too strictly do not show them the natural empathy that should envelop the parent-kid relationship. This relationship will have a negative image in children’s minds. Unfortunately, this relationship is the parents’ most powerful tool in disciplining and guiding their children. Kids who are emphatically bonded to their parents will have the initiative and the desire to please their parents and make them happy. Without an emphatic relationship, it also follows that kids will not desire to please their authoritarian parents, and this can make them more difficult to handle.
These are just some of the problems that researchers have found regarding strict parenting. The bottom line is that strict parenting makes kids unhappy, which can, in turn, make parents unhappy as well.
But is the opposite of authoritarian parenting – which is permissive parenting – the better option? Experts say that parents have to be right in the middle, which means they need to develop parenting skills that involve setting limits emphatically. Limits are not bad; in fact, they are necessary, but they have to be set with empathy.
